Death and happiness.

It's Spring Break. A relief.

Last night I downed my dose of Nyquil, which seduced me into a near comatose state that I didn't arouse from until 1 PM this afternoon. Whoever created this miracle drug is now my hero. To be able to stop the cycle of thoughts in my head, which I feel resemble a hamster on a wheel, for a period of time is a dream. Literally.

I often wonder about priorities and what really is important in this life. There are so many extremes on this spectrum and as long as the pendulum doesn't fall on "party animal" or "apathetic as a dope head" it is generally considered an acceptable life and one's family will be proud of you and pat you on the back. Or encourage you to stay on the path that they want you on. But what does any of the work of the focused honor student accomplish?

To be able to write a decent paper, to solve logarithms, perhaps one could argue it will lead to a good job. Which will lead to a nice house with a large manicured yard and gorgeous view. Or perhaps an apartment in the city is more your style, complete with a spoiled dog the size of a rat. To then be able to provide for your family, retire early, do a bit of traveling, and to die. This never ending cycle of mediocrity and the mundane.

Ultimately it all leads to death.

The poor die, the rich die, the diplomats, the waitresses, the CEO's, and the stay-at-home moms, they all die.

No one will take any of this with them wherever they go after this earth.

The sad will die sad. The discontent will die discontent. But to be happy and appreciate beauty, whatever it is that creates this within you, will at least allow you to die happy and beautifully.

For some this might be reading a wonderful book, or to be among nature, to build something, to raise a child, to contribute to the reform of a social condition, to make a friend, to have a thoughtful conversation, to be understood, to feel close to someone.

I'm not discrediting the good of sharpening one's mind, or the necessity of working to survive. But I am saying that their is more than money and academics and jobs and work to this world. It isn't the ultimate goal. Because it in itself will die too.

Incoherent, perhaps. But I hope you understand what I'm saying.