In the moment

It is Friday afternoon, and I was about to write how completely dull and boring it has been, and how I must not have a life or any friends, and how I need a job...But, I think I will close my eyes and try again.

I am reading Anna Karenina (still). I somewhat wish that it wasn't so long, but that would take the joy out of the journey of reading it. It's a beautiful book. But the suspense has its slimy little fingers wrapped around my brain, nearly making me useless for anything other than reading, (and thinking about reading).

School is nearly perfect. The only reason the "nearly" is there is because I'm not sure that anything is actually perfect. I am enjoying every moment of my classes, and my love for school is reaffirmed every time I step out of a classroom. I have decided being an English major is probably the most brilliant decision I have made. Not only am I going to have an expansive library when I graduate, I get to read and write...all of the time (and call it schoolwork!).

Kennesaw on the other hand, is nothing short of hell. Traffic "sucks." (That would be the "technical term" used by my Economic professor). Parking is a terror. I am constantly peering over my shoulder looking for the ugly red demons (complete with pitchforks) who are plotting against me to make living in Kennesaw miserable. I cannot go anywhere at anytime without sitting in traffic. Earlier this week it took me 75 minutes to get to David's house, and I was going against traffic! I was so frustrated I started crying, and vowed to leave this town. I was about so close as to say that I wanted to drop out of school because I hate living here, but that was a little rash. Only one more year...

I am still searching for a job. I have applied at Hallmark, Barnes & Noble, Anthropologie, Bath & Body Works, Ulta, Borders, a law firm, and attempted to apply at Macy's, Starbucks & Caribou. Nothing has been successful thus far. (Except that I have a job at Anthropologie in February, but I am looking for a seasonal job until then).

There is this thought floating in my head in reference to being realistic. Is it good to be realistic?

There are dreamers who thinks of marvelous plans and schemes. Their creative and wonderous ideas are farther reaching than anyone's. But, most likey none of these things will happen.

And then there are the extremely practical. They plan on what is likely, and do what is considered realistic, but they never accomplish anything outside of the ordinary. They achieve their mediocre goals, and fulfill their simple life's plan. (I'm not saying that it isn't rewarding, or that it doesn't make a difference in this world, or that its not important.) But is this good either?

Now the reason I mention this, sometimes I have dreams of exquisite plans and of making a difference in the world (so to speak). None of these are at all realistic or likely to happen, but should I try to achieve them anyways?

You see, I want to go to a good school, and then a top graduate school, join the Peace Corps, and then do something crazy.

I don't know, maybe like be an international journalist for a top newspaper like the New York Times. Or write/edit for an international magazine. Or be a professor at a good university.

What would it take for me to accomplish something like this?

No, its not very likely at all.

1) I would have to get into a top university.
-(If I get in, I wouldn't be able to pay for it, so I either would have to go about $60,000 in debt, or not go at all. Which ruins the plan from the beginning.)
2) I would then have to graduate with a high GPA
3) Study a lot and score well on the GRE
4) Get into a top grad school
5) And Study study study study study...
6) And then actually write something worth reading and research topics worth researching

So that I can hopefully land some connection-making internships...?

Not to mention about the natural talent involved. Not to be self-deprecating, but I will come up lacking every time.
-I can't write well, at least not well enough to make a job out of it.
-I am probably not nearly as guts-y as neccesary to question authority and society and to put myself in dangerous situations.
-I'm a girl. Now, I've never thought of allowing that to get in my way, but for some reason it seems to make everything more difficult.

No, not very much is really going for me. And that is what it comes down to, is it worth trying when its so unrealistic? When do you put your ideas behind you and find new dreams?

What if I do try?

Or.

I could just go to UGA, maybe get an MA from a decent grad school, and become a teacher, which is a very worthy calling. It's nice, neat, secure, and lacking risk.

But it's realistic.

See my thought process?

What do you think?