So much to say and all the time in the world...

The world has changed a lot since I last wrote. I have reverted to Soy Milk rather than Cow Milk this past week, and I've been more in "The Shins" mood rather than "Tegan and Sara," which I was really feeling last week...

But on a heavier note, I went to New Hire Orientation at Anthropologie. I woke up at 5:45 AM, drove to Buckhead, and I was half-way through the tax paperwork when the assistant store manager commented that you had to be 18 to work there. Without second thought, I opened my mouth to set my age straight. So that is the story of how I lost a job for the first time. I can have it back in February without application or interview, but that is far from consoling currently. I really regret saying anything at all, they never would have known, considering they hadn't noticed that I clearly marked being under 18 on my application, and it still wouldn't have been my fault. This might be the first time I've regretted being honest. Yes, I really am not comforted by my honesty at all. No good feelings of "well, at least I was honest"...no, I'm still poor and jobless whether I'm a liar or not, damn it.

I started my classes on Wednesday. After some shuffling around, I have four classes with excellent teachers. My schedule is bizarre, but I suppose it will due. This didn't come without a lot of frustration, nonetheless.

Monday/Wednesday

Russian 1001 9:30AM-10:45AM
~Incredibly challenging, but though I am only one week into, I have fallen in love. Side note, 80% of my grade from this class comes from the final exam. I am terrified, yet determined.

Economics 2100 6:30 PM-7:45 PM
~ I have the best professor in the department; I haven't heard him lecture yet though.

Tuesday/Thursday

English 2110 11:00 AM-12:15 PM
~ I cannot believe this counts as school. The only thing that could be cooler would be if I could get paid for reading and writing. Who knows, maybe one day I will?

Saturday

Art 1107 9:30 AM- 12:15 PM
~ I haven't made any conclusions on this class yet, but I will say that I have the best Art Professor at Kennesaw, and I am excited about the mandatory visits to art galleries and theatre productions.

Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling pretty sick. It was unfortunate, and it merely added to my feeling of the sky falling. I have been eating impressively healthy, drinking water, and taking my Vitamen C, and I feel nearly completely well now.

I went to the Braves game on Thursday night with David, Mr. Parker, Mrs. Parker, Brian, and Yari. I had a wonderful time though the Braves lost 9-3 to the Giants. We had the most amazing seats behind home plate. The Parker's neighbor's nephew is an umpire and gave us the tickets. He was the umpire who threw Bobby Cox out to break the record for being ejected from a game. It is nice living in the city with a baseball team, even if they are terrible. Haha.

Friday evening and Saturday I spent with Corinne (We took Pre-Calculus together at Veritas). I had forgotten how wonderful it is to have intelligent friends, with whom I can have somewhat intelligent conversations with. If not always intelligent, at least nerdy conversations. = ) On Saturday, we went to her grandparents' house in Cumming, Georgia, at the tip of the Appalachian Mountains. It was so beautiful, and hard to imagine that we were merely 50 miles outside of Atlanta. I want to move there. But, the reason we went to her grandparents' was to help her grandfather rob his bees, or rather, he did that part of it, we helped get the honey out of the frames from the hives. It was truly a miraculous experience. I had the feeling that I was on a homeschool field trip. It reminded me of the beauty of life's miracles, and how amazing the world around us is.

Today has been quiet. I unpacked the last box in my apartment, and as I sort through miscellanious items, I sort through my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. As my socks go in the socks drawer, so does my anger into the forgiveness drawer, the books go on the bookshelf, and my frustration goes into the box of determination. The leftover feelings that I haven't found a place for yet, end up here.

My former roommate got engaged this weekend. She is the second of my 3 roommates from last semester to be engaged this summer, along with 4 other friends who were married this summer. I have never been especially, keen on the idea of marriage. On the contrary, I have always envisioned myself as a career woman who travels the world, is independent, and dedicated to serving and helping others, I want to change the world, but I wanted to do this alone. Why is it then that every time a friend is married or becomes engaged, I feel a twinge of jealousy? Maybe its a craving for the attention that brides get, or the excitement that is woven into the lives of engaged couples and newlyweds. But, I think its something else. I think it is a desire and admiration for the freedom that married couples have. How ironic-sounding, considering married couples are considered to be giving up all of their freedom and independence. But, I am becoming tired of feeling treated like an eight-week-old puppy. Someone has to always be watching the puppy or it might pee and poop on carpet, or eat the furniture, or scratch a baby, or run away, or chew an electrical cord. I'm tired of feeling completely distrusted, tired of every move I make is being scrutinized, and judged as impure, even though I try so hard to live a life of purity and up to the standards of not those around me, but rather to a higher standard. I must be completely naive, because I see no ill-motive or impurity in most of my actions. I try to be cautious and wise. I guess it is something that I will not be disappearing any time soon, and I might as well learn to live with it. But I'm being honest, whether it does mean I lose my job, I'm tired of it, and I'm jealous. I am really, really jealous.

I want to be able to breathe again.

It just occured to be that idea should be filed under "contentedness," but I am afraid that it is too full already and overflowed onto here.

I'm going to sign out now and go find some people to bark at walking past my window.

Until next time, live, love, and be happy, and when you aren't, write a blog post to think through it.

Caroline